How I've ignored this...

WOW has time flown by! Above are a few pics from the beginning of summer! We went to Chicago and there we saw the aquarium! It was cool. We also visited the park and a juggling guy! Jackie got to balance a plate on a stick and she loved it! Let's see went on vacation to Minnesota and it was so hot we almost melted and on the way home we stopped by Tante Yellie's island and swam a little there! It was a great time!

Bikes for $.01

How can you beat that! I went to a store today to buy a couple of bikes for my kids to keep at their grandmas house. They were on clearance for cheap , but little did I know how cheap they were! The bikes were outside so I grabbed the sticker off of both bikes and brought them up to the register. I gave the clerk the ticket and they rung up for .01!!!! I don't think he realized the price because he rang up the rest of my things and didn't even flinch. So I walked out and got the bikes and left. I spend thousands of dollars at this store, there has to be things I've purchased that were charged wrong so I figured it will all work out in the end. That alleviates my Catholic guilt. What a killer deal though! Uh-huh oh yeah!

And so it happened...

Yep, some little kid drowned on the first day of open swim at camp. He's all right mind you but come on. Talk about putting reality to my worst nightmare(literally). I almost called the counselor and changed my sons ability to go into the "big" pool. BUT I was talked down by my friend who said that I have to let it go and trust that his counselors and life guards are on their game now. The "it can't happen to us" syndrome has left the building. I reluctantly agree so here I am sending him there again, with the hopes that he comes back to me o.k. I guess this is a part of being a mom. Letting go of your fears so that your children can experience life. It goes along with riding your bike around the block, crossing the street without holding hands and sleeping over at a friends house. All unknowns, but necessary steps to becoming your own person. All I know is that if I get another note like that I will do it.

Happy Father's Day

To the man of my dreams:


Thank you for all that you are
and all that you are not.

Thank you for what you say
and for what you don't.

Thank you for listening
and knowing when to ignore.

Thank you for your gentleness
and your kindness.

And above all

Thank you for always loving me
No matter what.

You are the greatest man there is and will ever be.
I love you forever...
Happy Fathers Day
Jen

life gets away from you

A friend sent me a very appropriate e-mail today and I thought I would post it with a few comments. I can't believe it has been 2 months since I last posted. I'm putting money that no one even reads this anymore. Life really gets away from you. Anyway, I really hope I don't feel like this in the future, although I already do in some ways. I want to look back at this part of my life and really appreciate it. My children are so interesting, and fun. Each has such a unique perspective of life, I stop myself from talking to others about them negatively. I do not want to be that mom who can't find something good to say about her family. I love them with everything I am and I will do anything for them forever. Unconditional love, something which I have searched my whole life for and now I have found through the eyes of these three beautiful children and an extremely loving husband.
My goal this summer...maybe this year is to video tape my life, the lives of my children at least five times. Not just the special occasions, but the mundane humdrum of life as well. Playing outside in the sprinkler(the poor mans pool), eating pizza picnic downstairs in front of the t.v. or just at the dinner table, bath time with all three in the tub, the times we take for granted and wish we could remember later. I want to get it all the love hate the tantrums, theirs and mine! Yes they could use it against me in a court of law later, but I don't care! I want to capture it and preserve it forever. Thanks Karin for sending me the e-mail and reminding me to cherish these time. Now here the e-mail:

By Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow
but in disbelief.
I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three
almost-adults, two
taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people
who read the same
books I do and have learned not to be afraid of
disagreeing with me in
their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes
that make me
laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and
shower gel and
privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than
I like. Who,
miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets
and move food
from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick
soap I bought for
the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the
baby is buried deep
within each, barely discernible except through the
unreliable haze of
the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is
finished for me now.
Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The
ones on sibling
rivalry and sleeping through the night and
early-childhood education,
all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and
Where the Wild Things
Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I
suspect that if you
flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What
those books taught
me, finally, and what the women on the playground
taught me, and the
well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that
they couldn't
really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false
test, then
becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you
realize that it
is an endless essay. No one knows anything.
One child responds well to positive reinforcement,
another can be
managed only with a stern voice and a timeout.
One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put
baby to bed on
his belly so that he would not choke on his own
spit-up. By the time my
last arrived, babies were put down on their backs
because of research
on sudden infant death syndrome.

To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is
terrifying, and then
soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.
Eventually the
research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring
over one of Dr.
Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in
which he describes
three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and
active. I was
looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old
who did not walk.

Was there something wrong with his fat little legs?
Was there something
wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he
developmentally delayed,
physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went
to China.
Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine.
He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too.
Believe me, mistakes
were made. They have all been enshrined in the,
"Remember-When-Mom-Did
Hall of Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the
bad language,
mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed.
The times I
arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare
sleepover. The horrible
summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling
out of the
classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I
responded, "What did
you get wrong?". (She insisted I include that.) The
time I ordered food
at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove
away without
picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I
include that.)

I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the
first two seasons. What was
I thinking? 

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of
us make while
doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This
is particularly
clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in
photographs. There
is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the
grass on a quilt in
the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4
and 1. And I wish
I could remember what we ate, and what we talked
about, and how they
sounded, and how they looked when they slept that
night.

I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the
next thing:
dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the
doing a little more
and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't,
what was me and
what was simply life. When they were very small, I
suppose I thought
someday they would become who they were because of
what I'd done. Now I
suspect they simply grew into their true selves
because they demanded in
a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense,
matter-of-fact and
I was sometimes over the top.

And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the
three people I like
best in the world who have done more than anyone to
excavate my
essential humanity. That's what the books never told
me. I was bound
and determined to learn from the experts. It just took
me a while to
figure out who the experts were.

Vacation!

Our vacation is over and it's back to the grind that is life. We really had a great time though. The children had fun swimming in the pool and we went to the beach every other day. The only thing that we did that we didn't have a good time doing was Busch Gardens. I was pretty disappointed. I guess I expected it to be like Sea world, but it was no where near it! I guess I would describe it as being a cross between a zoo and an amusement park.(WAY more expensive though! Almost $300.00 just to park, get in, and rent a double stroller and Jackie was FREE!) For older children 10+, teens and YOUNG adults you could have an incredible time there, but sadly I fit none of those descriptions so it was not so much fun. By 2:00p.m. we were looking at our watches and figuring out if it was worth going home. Seeing that we got there at 11:30 and that would have worked out to be about $100.00 an hour we pushed through until 6:00. Definitely chocking that one up to experience! Here is some pics... Be amazed! I have already printed them AND put them in an album! O-Yeah, u-huh! (Something my daughter has been saying lately!)

I feel like crap

You know when you're lying on the ground and one of you sweet children decides that it would be fun to sit on your chest and hop up and down, and then the other two children see how much fun the first child is having and decide to hop on too. That's how I feel right now, with the added bonus of feel achy and VERY tired. I hate being sick. Probably because I rarely am. I am a mom, however, and the show must go on. So what would put the normal male, or single person in bed I keep going and going and going....like the energizer bunny.

Without meds.....

I totally forgot to take my meds today and I can barely focus long enough to write anything right now. I am sitting on the couch trying to pull myself together to do something.(It's nap time) I am completely distracted by everything included my daughters Dora the Explorer show! It's too late to take them now because I will be up all night, and unfortunately I have a meeting tonight that I have to be at(even though I know I will be random and distractable the whole time) Wait maybe this will be a good thing and I will be able to get through it without wanting to rip my hair out or go postal or something! In the mean time I am going to try to get the stuff I need to get together for it and move on to tomorrow!

Oh yeah I almost forgot!(what a surprise) I changed my Blog layout...you like? I thought it was more calming and soothing. Not at all what my life is like, but one can wish right?

swimming lessons

I have been so crazy lately I literally have forgotten to write in my blog. I want to, but so many other things get in the way. For Example swimming lessons...

Let me tell you that the reason I decided to do swimming lessons this spring is because of a dream and Oprah. Yeah...
I had a dream about 2 months ago now that my son, drowned in the pool during the summer at camp. This camp does include swimming lessons twice a week so I really didn't consider it for real. (I rationalized it as my own total paranoia of water and drowning and I don't really put a lot of weight in dreams. They are usually a manifestation of feelings) Anyway,(this is where Oprah comes into play) I was watching Oprah about 2 weeks ago(which would be over a month after the initial dream) and she had on people who overcame dire circumstances. On the program was a mother who, after trying for years to have a baby with her husband, finally did. (A beautiful blond little man, cute as a button) Well, they decided to go somewhere on a plane and the plane crashed. It threw her and her husband from the plane and because of the child safety seat the boy was still in the burning carcass of a plane. The father (with 2 shattered arms) ran into the wreckage to save the baby, but couldn't. They were rescued and she was fine, but sadly, her husband suffered severe burns on over 75% of his body. He succumbed to his horrible wounds and also died 2 weeks later. Here's where the story affected me...

Oprah was talking to this brave, strong woman and she expressed her heartbreak of losing her child. How it was truly the most intense pain she has ever felt and how it took her years to move past it. A wave of fear came over me and I instantly remembered the dream I had so long ago. I was sobbing over the possibility of this potential death and I immediately signed 2 of my 3 children(Jackie's class was full) for swim lessons,which just so happened to start 3 days later. I was moved by a power that was beyond me. There was no mention of water, swimming or drowning, just this strong, sad woman sitting on stage describing her devastating loss and how she moved on with her life. I couldn't ignore the strongest impulse of my life pulling me in this direction, I felt like it was a message and I do not ignore my inner voice, EVER! Why was this message sent through this woman on Oprah... I don't know, and I don't care, I did what I felt I needed to do. I saved my sons life and it only cost me $100 and some time. My question is why not?

So, that being said we started swimming lessons and Julia was terrified. She was able to keep it together the first week, but this week we pushed her too far. Her instructor had too many children in her class and Julia was obviously the oldest and she was switched to another instructor. She lost her s#!t. I got her in the water, but she did not stay there and she was crying, which is really unlike her! They were real, rain drop sized tears that were truly heartbreaking and I would have been heartbroken if I wasn't so mad about it. I bribed, cheered manipulated, and tried EVERYTHING I could to get her to be comfortable. We watched for a while until her class was over and Jonathan's class started. Thank God he had her teacher too so we watched him swim too. Maybe that will help for next week. I told her that if she swam the whole time next week I would get her a pair of Princess goggles! She seemed excited, but we'll see. In the mean time I am going to chock it up to experience and visualize a better experience for next time. Let's cross our fingers.

Picture of the week...month?

Yes it has been a while, but I thought that this would be the perfect picture to start a new year. What a character! Happy New Year little man!

the secret

I watched Oprah today and they were talking about the secret and it has inspired me. I always knew I got it, but today I was moved to use it daily. My life is going to change in ways I have yet to imagine. I feel the energy in my mind and body that is going to lead me to the pathways of my future and the future of my family, pushing us towards success. Not success in the terms of rich, but happy fulfilled and yes, financially secure. I am alive and energized! Everyone should know that if you project positive energy into the world you will get it back 10 fold! This is no joke. You create you own opportunities. You are the reason that the shit keeps hitting the fan. The more you dwell on the negative the more negative things will happen. God, I can think of so many examples of how this has worked for me, both positively and negatively. My future is so bright now I need to wear sunglasses. You can think what you will, but I know this works and I plan on doing it! I will lead by example...

Does it ever end?

Thinking that all was well I sent Julia to school today. No problem right? yeah...anyway, We went to Jaclyns Doctor appt. and had breakfast then went to pick Julia up at school. We took to get her bangs cut and I bought her a headband. She complained in the car that her ear hurt. Silly me I thought it was her headband behind her ears so I told her to take it off. She did and when we got home I left right away to get my hair cut. I got back, just in time to hear that she had been complaining about her ear the entire time and after taking her temp. found out she was 100.7. I decided not to waste time trying to guess what it was and I took her to the doc. right away.

SHE HAS A F#@#&!G EAR INFECTION!!!!!

Mind you she is already on Zythromax! and now she is ALSO on Omnisef. What the f@#K???? The doc wants me to keep my appt. for Monday to check her again, but seriously I'm broke and done. I alone am sending my Doctors kids through college. I quit!

sick house continues...

I'm back from the Doctor and here's the scoop:

#1 child has a back to back virus and seems to be o.k...for now.

#2 child has pneumonia (which more than makes up for the #1 child having nothing) she is on zythromax for 5 days and should improve greatly by the end of the week.

#3 child is constipated and the Doc prescribed 4oz of prune or pear juice once a day to soften poop. Sucks to be me because #3 child doesn't really like juice and I might have to force it in.

ALL of them need to be watched and if any of them has a fever on Friday I need to bring them in when I bring #3 in for her 18 mth check up. AND I have to bring #2 child in at the beginning of next week to have her lungs check again.

Thank God I like my doctor and her staff because I see her a lot.

Having three children during flu season SUCKS!!! Thank GOD for vasectomies...and wine!

sick house

As always at this time of year, my entire family is sick. I am taking each one to the Doctor today in the effort to make sure there is nothing more substantial wrong (infection, bleeding out etc.) Let me explain...
#1 child (Jonathan) has had cold over a week and a half. Fever in the beginning, BAD cough and runny nose. Seemingly on the up swing I sent him back to school (still with a cough a slight runny nose, but definitely improved) Sat. still holding his own(we even went to a party) SO what a surprise to see on Sunday runny nose increases, cough is back stronger and low grade temp. back too... oh, and did I mention the vomit? Yeah, Sunday morning throwing up on the carpet and then again on the flooring. Not the way I want to spend my morning. Of course the man is at work and I am trying to clean up said child and the affected area while keeping smaller children away from playing with disgusting vomit or vomiting themselves(sympathy vomiting). Needless to say everyone was crying and or screaming!

#2 child (Julia) After being sick for about 5 days she has been floating between a 99.5 and 101 for the entire time. 3 days fever and it's time to see the Doc. my rule, but it's always worked for me. She also has a HORRIBLE cough and continuous runny nose.

My gut's saying sinus infection with both, part due to the cold, but part is due to this shitty mild weather and their allergies are acting up again! Not what I need because their Meds cost me a fortune!!!!

As to #3 child (Jaclyn) After the vomit brigade I decided to still go to my parents house for my dad and brothers birthday (giving child#1 strict instructions to not eat anything or touch anyone unless directed by me) After dinner my baby decides she has to poop, you know this because she usually cries when she poops and this time was no exception. (she is sometimes constipated and she's on antibiotics) I change her and notice that there is a little blood on her poop. I looked very carefully to be sure it was only on her poop and not in her poop. Anyway I tell Joe and he said I should take her in to be sure, because blood coming out of the body without there being a cut should be looked at by the Doc.

So now I am taking 3 children into the Doctor and I have to be there in 15 minutes. We'll see what happens!